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I don’t actually like nothing.nowhere all that much. They’re fine. The band is really just a dude who makes kinda cringe bedroom emo pop/rap. He talks a lot about self-doubt and trauma; his vibe is just kind of generally dour and rainy and sad. I mean, look at the album art. This child, peeling off the face he has learned to prepare for the world. Masking whatever is underneath. But if most of nothing.nowhere’s songs feel like pain, the song I linked up there, “Hammer,” feels like healing. And it comes out of nowhere. In the middle of this record absolutely rife with trauma and self-doubt and despair, here’s this track with verses that are like….bragging? And growth? “I did it all on my own, no promo. got fans getting tats of my logo”
”went from selling beats to now i’m selling cds”
”it’s about time I trade the clout for sobriety” But then the chorus comes and it’s kinda cringey and it’s a little dumb but it’s just him sitting there absolutely gassing himself up: “i play the guitar like a young santana
reppin’ VT like my name’s bernie sanders
living two lives like my name’s danny phantom
all my sh!t bang like a motherf*ckin’ hammer” He doesn’t even change or re-track the chorus. He just copy-pastes it. Over and over and over. Verses and copy-paste chorus. Over and over and over. Let the beat play all the way to the end. Let it form a perfect loop with the beginning of the song so that it can play over and over and over. I could be thinking way too hard about this, but I have always thought he did that on purpose. I know maybe it’s just the soundcloud style, but something about the way this track comes out of the aether with absolutely audacious self-hype meant to sound like a mantra and play on repeat…idk I think it’s on purpose. I’ll tell you why. — I’m a lot like this dude. I’m more sad than happy, more self-doubting than self-confident, more prone to spiral than to rise. I wanted for a very long time to disappear. To retreat back into my little void and shrink until I met my schwarzchild radius. Explode, or collapse. You start slipping. It gets harder to keep your footing. It gets harder to get back up. It gets harder to stand at all. It gets harder to sit. It gets harder to be awake. You think about sleep, and Sleep. Your brain builds barriers around the dangerous parts, because it knows what happens when you go there. You unpack it in therapy. You unload on it with medicine. But brains are some fickle meat. It doesn’t take long before you have lost decades. Milestones and millstones, alike. Entire people. I forgot that I went to a whole Kendrick Lamar show. I forgot meeting my now-wife. I have forgotten what I have forgotten, and when I remember, it feels like the memory of someone else. And when I remember that it was just me all along, that I don’t have someone else to blame, it sucks a little bit. i play the guitar like a young santana I have hurt so many people along the way, and I am one of those people that I have hurt. I have defended atrocities. I have platformed horrible people and horrible ideas. Who am I to pretend like I, of all people, have something to offer? reppin’ vt like my name’s bernie sanders Everybody screws things up, but not everybody screws things up so publicly, or so expensively, or so controversially. You weren’t trying to. You were actually trying not to. The best laid plans of mice and men. Every time someone brings any of it back up, it stings again, because you forgot, and now you remember. You push it down because it hurts. livin’ two lives like my name’s danny phantom You’re not sure where you fit, because you don’t think you even fit in your brain. Like your body isn’t big enough, or real enough. You spend so long waiting for the thoughts like a cloud to condense like water around a glass of iced tea that you' just figure “maybe I’m just wrong for all of it.” all my shit bangs like a motherfuckin hammer Hold on. I don’t know, man. Maybe we’re all wrong for all of it. Idk, the more I live, the more I feel like more people sort of feel like this. Maybe it isn’t that everybody’s better or that they have something figured out that you don’t; maybe it’s just… i play the guitar like a young santana Don’t overthink it. You got this job because you can do it. Because you can do it. They’re big shoes but you’ve got big feet, and you can fill them. reppin’ tennessee like my name’s dolly parton You’re 35 and you’re still here. Sure, you don’t remember all of it, but yes you clearly got back up because look. Look at where you are. You’re still here. livin’ two lives like my name’s danny phantom But you don’t feel like living two lives anymore. Your therapist asks if you’ve ever been in a room before and it hurts you because you don’t think so. You let the condensation form. You let it drip. You let it collect on the table and spill over the side and you watch with fascination because to your everlasting surprise, there’s a whole person here. all my shit bang like a motherfuckin’ hammer And you sort of like him. He’s 35 but he feels like that little kid in the blue reindeer sweater, peeling off the face he’s worn for so long, the faces he’s worn for so long, the people he’s worn for so long. i play the guitar like a young santana He’s peeling off the expectations he put on himself. He’s peeling off the expectations of genre and trope. He’s peeling off the rules. He’s peeling off the weight of the guilt he has atoned for. He’s peeling off the weight of the atonement owed him. reppin’ tennessee like my name’s hayley williams Now he’s cooking. It doesn’t smell like anybody else’s cooking, it smells like his cooking. He’s stopped making it perfect because it has never been perfect and he’s never even liked it all that much. He’s settled for making and it is so, so much better. livin’ two lives like my name’s danny phantom But he’s not living two lives for long. We’re running out of matryoshka dolls. We’re condensing. We’re solidifying. The void is taking on a form. all my shit bangs like a motherfuckin’ hammer Look, I’m not an idiot. I’m not delusional. I know my limits, I know what I’m capable of. I know what I can do, I know what I can’t do. I know what I can change and I know what I can’t change. i’m on one. they could never be me. And the limit doesn’t exist. What can’t I do? Lmao. Watch me. i play the guitar like a young santana I have terrible news for my haters: I woke up this year, and there is nothing you can say to me that I haven’t already said to myself. reppin’ tn like my name’s.. idk randy orton. You were fashioned from elements created only in the bellies of stars. You were given the same raw materials your heroes were given. Everything good anybody has ever said about anyone you love could be said about you, too. livin’ two lives like my name’s danny phantom They don’t want you to know this, but you can reinvent yourself at any moment, for any reason, and you don’t owe a single person an explanation for any of it. all my shit bangs like a motherfuckin’ hammer This place is nasty and brutish and gray, but you already have the tools to remake it. You can plant gardens in Babylon. You can etch the hope onto your skin. You can raise a banner that causes the people around you to look, and to wonder, and to follow. i play the guitar like a young santana They don’t get it? Fine. It’s not for them. reppin’ CHA like my name’s hamilton barber They don’t like it? Fine. It’s not for them. livin’ two lives like my name’s danny phantom Oh, they think it’s bad? You’ve seen what they cheer for; their criticism means nothing. all my shit bangs like a motherfuckin’ hammer Nobody else has your name. Nobody else has your mission. You’re the blueprint. You’re the bar. You’re the only one who can do it; don’t let them tell you how you’re supposed to. i play the guitar like a young santana Stop looking for approval from those you don’t respect. Stop looking for approval. Do, or do not. reppin’ GA like my name’s hamilton barber Heels, nails, blade, mascara
Fit check for my napalm era. livin’ two lives like my name’s danny phantom And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
slouches toward Atlanta to be born? all my shit bangs like a motherfuckin hammer
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